The office Christmas party survival guide

As we spiral downward to Christmas in a flurry of end-of-year deadlines, client lunches and open bars, we all know the grand final of the season is the work Christmas party.

These are parties where overworked and underpaid workers mingle together purely to take advantage of their employer through consuming as much free food and alcohol as possible.

While these are social occasions, you must always remember that it is still a work function, and yes people will remember if you act like a fool.  So take heed of the rules good people, to ensure that come 2017 you still have a job to go back to.

The Office Christmas Party Survival Guide

  1. If it’s a cocktail event, eat a bit before you go so you’re not playing goalkeeper at the kitchen door or stalking the wait staff.
  2. Take one canapé at a time. Just because you can physically hold four arancini balls at once, doesn’t mean you should.
  3. Try holding your drink and canapé in the left hand, so your right is always free to meet and greet people.
  4. If there’s a fancy dress theme, make an effort. You’re never too cool for a dress up theme.
  5. Dress appropriately; you can look sexy any other night out of the year. It’s not worth your career or a nip slip.

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  1. Don’t abuse the booze. Yes it’s free. No it’s not a good look to get wasted.
  2. Have a glass of water between each drink. Your tomorrow morning self will applaud your responsible drinking.
  3. Don’t let inter-office info or gossip slip. Everyone’s lubricated but their brains are still intact.
  4. Similarly, don’t tell any information about yourself that you wouldn’t say sober, in daylight, in the office.
  5. Don’t let your liquid courage make you think it’s a good time to give people criticism, no matter how constructive you think it is at the time.
  6. Don’t socialise too much with your superiors.

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  1. Mingle with people you don’t work with directly. You’ll finally figure out who that person is you see at the printer all the time and it will look good to your boss.
  2. Stay off your phone. Don’t be that douchebag.
  3. You’re not at schoolies or in a club, so don’t “drop it like it is hot”.
  4. Keep your shoes on at all times, even while carving up the D-floor.
  5. Don’t be negative, especially about your workplace or the party. Let the Christmas spirit fill you with joy and good jokes.

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  1. Don’t bring your partner unless everyone else is. Looking after one person is hard enough.
  2. Know when to leave. If you’re looking to kick on, take it elsewhere.
  3. Don’t vomit, cry or be a creep.
  4. And under absolutely no circumstances are you EVER to go home with someone you work with. Everyone will notice, everyone will remember and you will forever be an office anecdote.

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Follow these rules and you will survive unscathed, or better yet will use it to your advantage. Work parties, if done well, can go a ways to bolstering your place in the company.

So merry freaking Christmas, and always remember: Make reasonable choices.