Fidel Castro Gets a Completely Impractical 90-Meter-Long Cigar for His 90th

One of the absolute greatest joys in life is gifting your mates some useless junk for their birthday and watching them try to make sense of the madness. It’s an Aussie tradition and all-round classic stitch-up for all to enjoy.

Unleashing their inner larrikin, the people of Cuba decided to give their former leader and grief-lord to the US, Fidel Castro, a 90-meter-long cigar for his 90th birthday on Saturday.


Created by Cuban tobacconist Jose Castelar, it reportedly took he and his team 10 days to pull off the stunt, which may even end up a world record.

Now, the thought that has gone into this gift is nice, but poor old Fidel is only left with two options: one really long cigar that is probably unsmoke-able, or a box of like 200 normal cigars which is just boring.

But more importantly, old mate hasn’t even had a puff of the ol’ giant durry since the 80’s.

“I reached the conclusion long ago that the one last sacrifice I must make for (Cuban) public health is to stop smoking. I haven’t really missed it that much,” said Castro in a 1985 interview.

But cigar craftsman Castelar doesn’t bloody care, he reckons it’s a ripper gift.

“He hasn’t smoked for years, but the gift we are offering him is the hard work that we have done to commemorate his birthday,” he said. Very nice.

Castro was a controversial leader and became a symbol of resistance to the US and their overzealous presence in the region. He pissed them off so much that the US government attempted to assassinate him via those closest to him. Heck, the US mafia even had a red hot crack at it.

Castro handed the Cuban leadership over to his brother Raul in 2008 due to illness.

Here’s hoping he embraces the gesture and has a mad choof for old times sake. As the kids say, YOL once.