Stop Trying to Catch Pokémon in the Darwin Police Station Pls

Pokémon trainers across the country came out of retirement yesterday, with the release of the new augmented reality game, Pokémon Go, creating waves on social media.

The game lets your inner 90’s self roam the streets with your smartphone to capture, train, battle and trade your favourite Pokémon. What makes this game different to the traditional ones is its reliance on your GPS position in the real world to find catchable Pokémon. So if there’s a badass looking Squirtle in your neighbour’s backyard, you’ll need to trespass to get it, which is fairly illegal last time I checked.

Furthermore, at certain points on your map you will be able to access ‘PokéStops’, where you can pick up all the essentials for catching all dem Pokémans. Unluckily for the Darwin Police Station, a PokéStop just happens to be smack bang on top of them, so keen trainers have been waltzing right in there to get the goods. The Po-Po haven’t been too keen on this, taking to Facebook to politely advise them to quit it.

The post reads:

“For those budding Pokemon Trainers out there using Pokemon Go – whilst the Darwin Police Station may feature as a Pokestop, please be advised that you don’t actually have to step inside in order to gain the pokeballs.

It’s also a good idea to look up, away from your phone and both ways before crossing the street. That Sandshrew isn’t going anywhere fast.

Stay safe and catch ’em all!”

Fair deuce, po-lees. We’ll stay off your lawn.

And if we needed anymore proof of the immense apathy around the federal election, (we don’t) the release of Pokémon Go has out-trended it on social media. Bless you, disenfranchised youth, bless you all.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to climb my neighbour’s fence to catch that fucking Squirtle.

Slay.