Sales assistants are the unsung heroes of our world. They spend their days soothing the socially ignorant societal types that inhabit retail stores around the world. If you’ve ever been on the storefrontline, see if you can recognise any of these archetypal customers
The ‘Five Minutes To’ Customer
It’s 4:55 on a Saturday afternoon, just five more minutes and you are out of here. But wait… A customer walks in, strolling blissfully around the store, looking at each piece of clothing like it’s a work of art in a museum.
You ask them if they need a hand finding anything and they reply with… ‘Nope. Just browsing’.
All you can do is smile politely and ponder how a request for a trap door would go down with your manager.
The ‘I’d like a Refund’ Customer
‘I’d like a refund on this blouse’.
‘Has it been worn?’
‘No. It’s just been sitting in my closet’.
Well that explains exactly why it is missing the tag and smells like a combination of BO and last night’s Thai Food, doesn’t it.
And the worst bit is, you could really go some Thai food right now.
The ‘Tries on 400 Items’ Customer
This is the customer who picks up so many items they can’t even carry them all. They never, ever buy anything. Instead, all they do is try things on and leave them all over the floor for you to pick up, like you have nothing better to do.
Sure, maybe you don’t have anything better to do, but they’re not to know that.
The ‘I’d like to Speak to a Manager’ Customer
‘Look I am so sorry, but you don’t have a docket and this item is from Summer 2012, I can’t refund it’.
‘Well where is your manager, I’d like to speak to them…’
‘Sorry but my manager is actually in hospital giving birth at the moment’
‘Well that’s not good enough. Can you at least try and give her a call?’
All this with their wimpy looking husband standing next to them, as if they are trying to intimidate you but failing miserably.
The ‘Is this on sale?’ Customer
This customer is the type who annoys you from the second they walk in. They head straight for the sale section which is marked with ‘Up to 50% off’ and always ask if that means ‘Everything in the store is 50% off today?’
This type of customer will also usually find an item and bring it to the counter as if they are about to buy it. When you say… ‘That will be $39.95 thanks’, there is suddenly a hole in the back seam which obviously calls for a 30% discount.
Have you ever rolled your eyes so far back you can see your brain?
The ‘Time Waster’
On the surface this type of customer is sweet and pleasant. They are friendly and smile when they walk in. They are a great customer until you realise they’ve been in the fitting room for the last four and a half hours.
Come to think of it, that’d be a great place for a trapdoor…
The ‘I saw this online’ Customer
At least once a shift you get the customer who whips out their phone and shows you 17 photos of the items they saw on the website, requesting a personal fashion parade.
You can’t help but wonder how they’ve gone through life without mastering the use of their eyes and initiative.
The ‘I can’t control my kids’ Customer
This customer is the worst of them all.
They let their kids run wild, hiding between racks and messing up the T-Shirts you perfectly folded. They jump into the window display and almost knock down the mannequins. They jump on the sofas and drop tissues on the ground.
Their mothers seem to think that you offer a baby-sitting service. Then WOOSH a small square of floor gives way beneath them.