The Startup’s Guide to a Cool Press Photo

You just got some mad funding for your clever startup, people are starting to notice you and you’ve got journalists lining up for interviews. That’s great news, but then comes the question you were not prepared for…

“Can you please send us through a photo of yourself for the article?”

A picture? Of me? Where do I take it? Can I use my iPhone? Will you accept a five-year-old polaroid of me shot gunning a bear in Damian’s backyard?

There’s more to being the founder of a successful startup than just business, you have to be head of your own PR too. How exhausting for you.

But hey, don’t sweat it, The Hip Pocket have got you covered. Here’s what you need to avoid when sending in that awkward press photo.


A boring/dirty background


Example:

Urgh, how uninspiring. How do you expect us to believe in your ~creative~ new startup when you’ve just submitted a photo that could put an insomniac to sleep?

Use your imagination, find a funky mural to stand in front of or at the very least, a wall with some god damn texture. Do you want everyone to think you have the creativity of a dead badger? Hint: you don’t.

Dress in a way that reflects the nature of your business. If you create games, make the photo fun, colourful and imaginative. If you’re in fintech, a suit is probably a good idea, but find a way to make yourself standout.

And please, show some emotion, unless, of course, you want to convey the idea that you’re a cyborg. Nothing says “all of my ideas are devoid of passion” quite like a stupid deadpan photo of you against the dirty white wall that you’ve been meaning to repaint for the last five years.


Stop trying so hard


Example:

You’re a really ~cool~ guy holding that Nerf gun, aren’t you? It just screams “we’re a fun office” doesn’t it? Wow, so edgy.

No, you look like a wanker and the only people you’re appealing to still think wallet chains are ok to wear in public.

You don’t have to try so hard. By all means, do something different, but lose the toys and just be yourself.

And if you think that “being yourself” is not acknowledging the camera in an attempt to look artsy as fuck, please hire a professional to supervise all of your future PR endeavours.

And put some fucking shoes on.


We know what your product is, please stop showing us


Let’s play a game. You send me your press photo and if you get over 20 points according to the system below, I get to punch you in the mouth.

  • You’re holding the product you make: 150 points

POW, right in the kisser.

We already know what you make and if we don’t, we’re about to find out in the article we just opened with your awkward “taddaaaa” face at the top of it. The only person that’s allowed to do this is the ShamWow guy.

Look at that perfect neck poke, and you don’t fuck around with a guy wearing a headset, do you? Forgeddaboutit.

Holding your own stuff looks dorky and even worse, using your product in a press photo is downright laughable. And for the sake of my own delicate sanity, if you create software, please don’t hold up a laptop with it displayed on the screen.

The only thing that looks worse than your nondescript software on a laptop held next to your smug punch-me grin are those circulated images of dead animals in some poor fool’s Big Mac.

Seriously, just put your shit down and look at the camera.