You’re nabbed doing non-worky stuff
OK, we’ve all done it. Scrolled sneakily through some morning FB hilarity or caught up on a bit of celeb gossip in between report writing. These mind-numbing ventures certainly cut through the daily grind, but why, oh why does it always happen when the Kingpin stops by for a quick chat?
Forget the excuses. Be honest and admit you have a pre-disposition to social media masturbation. Or not. Either keep it for home time or strategically plant a tracking device on those in positions of superiority. Although that’s probably illegal.
You smashed way more than your financial targets at a work party
Again, this has been done. You’ve drunk some stuff, got a little excito and ended up either calling your salary-giver a wanker to his face or blubbering about your ex to a colleague who will no doubt share it in an office memo (to your boss) at a later stage.
Drunko moments with your work mates can be extraordinarily funny and often form the basis of life-long friendships, however involving the boss in crazy, after-dark, effed-up shit won’t help your chances of a promotion or a pay rise.
You’ve pressed send and there’s no going back
Yes, most of us have had this mortifying delight. You’ve sent an email having a nice old rant about how much you’d like to delicately kick your boss in the nether region and then realised that said person was included on the response. Doh!
Not much comeback for this one. You’ll either be sacked or receive one of those you’ve-got-three-chances warnings. Hopefully the latter. Advice? Negatives aren’t nice but we all need to vent, so either build a bridge (turn that frown upside down) or keep it to a short, post-work tirade with a known confidante.
Your body does weird things and they’re in the firing line
Whether it’s a tasty morsel of left over lunch in your facial hair, your daily dump being witnessed far too intimately or you’ve got a severe case of crazy PMS Rantfest, some bodily functions are just not meant to be shared in the workplace.
Toilet paper shoe mishaps, hot sweats due to mislaid deodorising resources and gagging reflux bought on by a kebab-fuelled Saturday night soiree … you’re only human right? Right. But your boss probably doesn’t need to be in the firing line. They were young once, but you don’t need to smack them in the face with that fact.
You’ve finally realised your boss is a dickhead
So you’re having a bit of a bad day, your boss is on your arse and you’re having random thoughts of (a) resigning (a little more thought possibly required) (b) confronting your superior and laying it all down (aggressive, emotional and career destroying) or (c) retiring (an unattainable dream at this point). Chillax. Your superior is probably not a dickhead, they are possibly just being a badass because that’s their job.
If the day-to-day is just not fun anymore, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate and consider a new career. Work on reducing your stress levels, or just embrace the challenges of work and look forward to some amazing life changing experiences. You’re in it for the long haul right? You may as well enjoy it.